When I started this blog, it was to be anon and it was to be about nothing personal. Now, I don't care about that, even if someone found it, I don't care if they learned things about me that they didn't know; this is me, live with it.
At one point in my life, I was so centered and knew what I was doing, school was everything to me, and making my parents proud was so important to me that it pushed me to do things many people wish they can do, I did them and never for a minute stopped to think about it all, I thought it was normal that people should be like that.
I lost it all; I don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore. One of the saddest moments in my life was when I realized that I can't remember when was the last time that I opened a book to study, maybe last year because I don't remember studying this year at all. I'm still getting A's but that's not the point, I want to learn and now I don't feel like I'm learning, I don't even give my full attention to the professor in class.
I'm feeling bad about myself now, and about some decisions I made in my life not because of the decisions I made, but because of the person I'm turning to. Not knowing what my situation is going to be next year or few months from now is not helping either; I'm so tired from it all. Maybe starting university young was not such a good idea, or maybe it was because it gave me more time to find myself, but I'm just losing myself.
Did I sound like a sick, depressed teenage there? I'm not. J
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Lost
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5 comments:
Dude, don't beat yourself up!
You made the right choice. It was a smart move. ;)
I mean you could open the book to study if you wanted to. haha. sorry i had to laugh at that. But thats not entirelly true, we do open the book in FA!
>>I mean you could open the book to study if you wanted to.<<
when I first read that I thought you are talking about openning a bookstore! haha. yes, I can do that! Imagine working in a bookstore! with a starbucks in it! HEAVEN. :D
yes a bookstore with starbucks!
haha remember last week when we kept asking people where would they like to work, if you had to work in a mall. A clothes store, department store,ice cream parlor, fast food, resturant, book store, or virgin megastore.
I PICK VIRGIN MEGASTORE. Good way to spend a few hours, it wouldn't be too dull. It has everything! Movies,games,books, MUSIC, etc etc.
hello.. i read this twice.. once last night and it didn't make sense, and i read it today and it also didn't make much sense so i cannot say much other than take it easy.. also i connected most with "When I started this blog, it was to be anon and it was to be about nothing personal. Now, I don't care about that, even if someone found it, I don't care if they learned things about me that they didn't know; this is me, live with it."
keep on writing :)
Thanks. :)
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